Bluebird Day

I have only skied one day in the past three years. My plan had been to spend the day on the bunny slope to feel comfortable on my skis again and test my injured hips. Next month Dave will be honored with a "Last Call". I wanted to see if I would have the ability to ski beside the empty sled. Yesterday I skied with two extraordinary women: Nancy and Mindy. Nancy drove me to the mountain. She has been a ski school instructor and friend of over 40 years. She was my prime personal supporter during Dave's last months and has been since his death. Mindy is the director of the Pro-Ski Patrol. I first met 14 year old Mindy when her aunt asked if she could join the Jr. Ski Patrol Dave and I had started. Mindy thrived in the program; went on to college; graduated with honors and; came back to Eugene where, until she married, lived in our cabooses while pursuing a dream of a medical career and ski patrolling. She now also works in the ER where she eased the way for Dave during his many visits. I was surrounded by love. I got hugs from several people I haven't seen in a long time, including the owner of the ski area. I had caring (conspiring) escorts ahead and behind me on ever run.

The lift to the top of the mountain is just outside the Patrol Room door and presented itself as much easier to jump on than the long walk to the lower mountain lifts. So up we went bypassing the bunny hill. The groomers were busily preparing the steepest runs for the weekend. Skiing with patrol director Mindy, we "had" to open all the freshly groomed black diamond runs, on a sunny day, with no one around. It was my Destiny. 

Without heavy, wet snow and moguls, the runs were exhilarating. My IT muscles need strengthening and cause of several inflamed bursa. Skiing was a breeze until near the end of the day when my tired quads had to lift a ski. By the end of the day I was catching edges and kissing the snow.

Nancy

 Mindy

Mindy had arranged for a gourmet, BBQ lunch to be cooked and enjoyed at the top of the mountain. A special treat in an unmatched setting.

Yesterday was a tough day because that ski area probably wouldn't exist but for Dave's efforts. When I was in the patrol room, there were still 3 old pictures of Dave and I on the wall. I knew it would be both physically and emotionally difficult being there again but with the support of these two amazing friends, I succeeded and really felt positive.

I have always thought of myself as a very strong, independent woman but loosing Dave has been humbling. I have never been one to cultivate friends. Dave was my friend. One of the reasons our marriage worked for days short of 41 years was that we each had our own activities that we were passionate about then came home and shared each other's joy. We were so different in so many ways but celebrated and supported that difference. (The ski patrol was one thing we shared jointly, though he seldom skied instead managed it and I was but a patroller and wife). Now I am finding myself second guessing and looking for him to be there to embrace the rehashing of life's experiences.

I really did not expect to ski again, especially at Willamette Pass. I am stoked. For the first time I really feel like I can move forward independently and lean on friends.

Over the Hill and Through the Woods

Since Dave's death, exercise has been limited to necessary actions. The dogs and I are getting more and more out of shape as time goes by. A break in the weather meant time for a run to the back pond.
The run starts with going up and over a small hill then a gee turn up a very steep trail I cut last year. I need to put my ATV into 4WD and the lowest gear to make it up to the top of the ridge.
The dogs, even 12 year old Cedar, ran full speed all the way...

 and were given a rest at the top.

From there, we traverse the ridge top and head down the south, sunny side, road to the pond.

My primary concern with taking the dogs on this run is encountering a deer kill defended by a cougar or bear. The property is an island refuge for large and small game. The fence line is surrounded by clear cut property and houses on all sides. Not that long ago, seeing a cougar, bobcat, coyote or bear was a very rare, wondrous sight. Now these animals have become nuisance pests, with daily raids on garbage cans and bird feeders. 

Perhaps the dogs are admiring the ground cover.

Not! They have found a deer carcass. I am immediately on high alert, scanning the brush and tree tops.

I rush the dogs away from the carcass.

Trask with his prize leer leg.

When we got to the pond, Trask would not relinquish hold of the stinky leg. Only Cedar and Koyuk took the opportunity to drink, swim and cool off. We had gone over 2 miles on very steep trails by this point.

Twelve year old Cedar, fit and regal as ever.

Wanting to cool off Trask, I took a 1/2 mile detour, below the pond and through the oak savannah, which is currently full of creeks, pools and marshland.

 We circled back to the pond where Trask relinquished the leg in favor of a drink and swim.

I grabbed the leg and threw it into the largest patch of blackberries I could find much to Koyuk's dismay.

Three dogs in search of another carcass treat. (There is a reason they wear visibility vests.)

Cedar was first to find this deer. She tore off, full speed back up the sunny side pond road.

Followed by Koyuk with a leg...

and Trask with his leg.

 A rest at the top of the ridge allowed for a feast...

while I hiked around admiring the north side woods.

Cedar still had her deer leg as she came down the steep ridge trail. Opportunistic Trask headed back up to check if she would like to share her bounty.

Nope!

At this point, we are almost back to the house. We had made it past the predictors now the last thing I wanted was a stinky deer leg going into the house, through the dog door, and being devoured on my bed. I took the leg; found a huge blackberry patch; and tossed it into the middle. I HATE the fact that invasive blackberries now cover the forest floor. In many places they blanket acres and pile over 6' high. The only advantages I see with them is that they do feed the birds and small game and are a great place to toss unwanted carcass parts.

The dogs were hot and covered with mud by the time we returned to the house. Coaxing them into cleansing swim was a no brainer. I have found it is much easier to dry off a soaking wet dog than give a muddy one a bath.

After their final cleaning in the mudroom, the rest of the afternoon was spent taking off pictures while the dogs crashed in the office.

Starting as a mere toddler, I have spent my life wandering in the woods and never been afraid. (Except for men with guns and grizzly bears.) Seeing animals has been a privilege. All have always preferred to head the other way and disappear. The over-population of large predictors on the property is troubling. I do not expect them to attack but I do expect them to defend. In the past, except in the summer heat, I have taken the dogs on this 5+ mile run 3-4 times a week. Their breed is meant to run. They love to be with me as I explore. I am afraid I will now need to use the ATV on our excursions so I can keep closer tabs on the dog's whereabouts and for a quick get away should we encounter predators unwilling to relinquish their kills.

Making the Most of a Gray Day

Some time in the middle of the last night, the power went out. My guess it was a transformer somewhere close because both the dogs and I woke up. I got up; realized the neighborhood was dark so no reason to call the power company; went downstairs to throw the hot-water heater breaker and; squeezed myself back into the bed.

"I don't think there is room for a human".

Jake gets a bath and I get no compassion.

By the time the electricity was back on, the house and hot water were cold. The power surge again tripped the well pump and my really over-taxed computer booted up with the blue-screen-of-death. Instead of a shower, I dressed and headed out into the pouring rain to prime the pump. Just yesterday after my clothing purge, I was inspired to put away all the water jugs along with other stuff cluttering counter tops. I should have known better. At least the bath tub was still full of water and I could flush and have water for the dogs.

My plan for the day had been to attend the Women's March - though with all the contention surrounding it, I am not sure what I would be marching for beyond solidarity against Trump and for the environment. The March was over by the time I got the well-pump going and a cup of coffee. I was also going to go to the Home and Garden show to get inspired and do the monthly Costco run.
The raingage on my new, fancy weather station showed 2.06" rain in the past 24 hours. It was still too cold in the house and the hot water too tepid for an appealing shower. I wrote a blog post while I finishing my coffee. My agenda for the day was altered to returning to bed; listening to the rain on the metal roof while snuggling with the dogs and; reading a book.

"You want us to move over?"

Restless moments did find me taking pictures, planting spring bulbs, replacing the counter water jugs and helping a neighbor with their burn pile

In-other-words, the fur kids and I made the best of our Gray Day.

The Purge

Getting ready to go to the Lion King took hours. I live in jeans, tees, flannel and Keens but I felt I needed to dress-up for the occasion. After all I was going to the fanciest restaurant in town and the cultural center. I opened my closets still full of power suits, dresses,  evening attire, sweaters, silk blouses, wool pants... and began my dressing frenzy. I actually did end up wearing my best jeans and flannel shirt and polished my Keens for the occasion. I was pleasantly relieved to note that I was not the only woman of a certain age, similarly attired. This is Eugene after all.
I was raised with two strong, often repeated, values: "waste not, want not" and "a penny saved, is a penny earned". With clothing and most everything else, I bought only the best and classics - not fads. Items that if they went out of style would come in again. Because of the quality, mine would still look new and expensive. I had saved having to buy anew most often poorer quality.
While many of my clothes are "in again", I have changed. They still fit but are not me. I haven't worn most of then for years and if I had felt I had to for a certain occasion, I had not enjoyed being in them.
I called my good friend Susan, who had helped me tackle dealing with Dave's clothes. She too is a widow and understood how to approach that painful task. She also volunteers at the Jr. League thrift shop. Susan knew me through my career years and had seen me in practically everything in my closet. She employed her infectious laugh to our clothing purge. When I would look at saving a silk dress or sweater Susan would say: "These are beautiful, but are they you?" or "I remember you wearing this back in the 80's". If I could wear it out on the tractor, it stayed. Most everything else will benefit an organization committed to developing the potential of women and serving the communities youth, family and underserved.
No pictures of the purge - just words. But, I do now have empty drawers and closets for guests.

Start of Another Year

The day was sunny (very rare for a Jan 15th birthday) and cold. Ma Nature provided me with my own private island of white...

and ice covered pond to amuse me with one of my favorite pastimes - making music with a chorus of pebbles skidding across the surface. 

I may be growing old but I a still a kid at heart. Vineman also enjoyed the combination of ice and sun.

I had a wonderful birthday full of well wishing friends and excited dogs. The day was capped off with sharing champagne, dinner and a birthday dessert at a French Restaurant and then premier seats at the Lion King with my very special friend, Nonna.
All I can say about the Lion King production is "WOW!" and I would love to see backstage during the show. The very small cast is continually making magic happen changing in and out of unimaginable costumes. Oh yea and, how did they get quips about Trump tweets and Eugene weather into the chorus?
Once a year I buy a paper so I can read my birthday horoscope. Today's reads: "Turn this into a year to remember. Stop thinking about what you want to do or to have; make your dreams come true. Making plans with someone you enjoy working with or being around will lead to a better relationship as well as progress toward achieving your goals. Use your energy wisely. Fitness and manual labor will bring better results than anger."

Glamour photo courtesy of my sister.

I do put little stock in a newspaper horoscopes but it is fun to think that I might just turn this year into a year to remember and achieve my goals. I wonder if fitness is finally in the starts for me.

Another Year

Almost another trip around the sun. Where did the years go?

Last year my horoscope read: "Happy January 15 Birthday. This will be a year to reevaluate and rediscover. Don't feel the need to act in haste or to let pressure and stress rule your life. Step off the stage and look methodically at what you have done and what you still want to accomplish. Make choices based on your desired end results and then figure out how to reach them."

Not a "happy" fortune but in many ways, spot on advice still needing some nurturing. The death of my husband of 41 years minus 14 days brought overwhelming grief, pressure and stress. These very physical emotions did rule my life. How could it not be so? My first inclination was to act in haste. There was so much to do. So many unknowns.
I hid from the stage. I am fortunate in that I have friends who understand my need for space and time to work things out at my own pace. I am just now peaking out from behind the curtains.
Attempts at being methodical led to the numerous piles of stuff that plague my home. I still don't know what I need to do, let alone, what I want to accomplish. All the closets and cupboards are now clean and empty. What do I put where? What do I keep, donate, discard? I guess that is a metaphor for my life in general. What do I keep, donate, discard of Kay Lee of the past as I go forward on to a new episode of my life?
My focus remains on readily tangible, small, obstacles. I am still in the now, the moment. I feel empty but, newly hopeful. Stuff of my past and future needs to find storage.
My desired results - I have dreams.

This morning, when I went outside to take a picture of frosty Buddha frog contemplating this past year, I found a beautiful bouquet of frozen flowers friends had left while I was gone yesterday. The flowers survived as I know I will. My plans are to thrive in the future.